grief

Screenshot from Tumbl, by @brightwanderer "I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned “forever” into the only acceptable definition of success. Like... if you open a coffee shop and run it for a while and it makes you happy but then stuff gets too expensive and stressful and you want to do something else so you close it, it’s a “failed” business. If you write a book or two, then decide that you don’t actually want to keep doing that, you’re a “failed” writer. If you marry someone, and that marriage is good for a while, and then stops working and you get divorced, it’s a “failed” marriage. The only acceptable “win condition” is “you keep doing that thing forever”. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is considered less valuable or not a “real” friendship. A hobby that you do for a while and then are done with is a “phase” - or, alternatively, a “pity” that you don’t do that thing any more. A fandom is “dying” because people have had a lot of fun with it but are now moving on to other things. I just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And it’s okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of success... I don’t think that’s doing us any good at all."

“Forever” is a poor metric

December 16, 2025
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brightwanderer on Tumblr I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned… Read More »“Forever” is a poor metric

Blach and white photo. Elspeth Beard astride her BMW motorbike, with large side and rear panniers (designed and built by her out of sheet aluminium and rivets), with a white helmet resting on the handlebars. She's wearing jeans, leather boots, and a leather jacket. She's parked up outside what looks like a warehouse, looking off camera.

Reading 1 (June 2025)

June 28, 2025March 16, 2026
Reading

This week’s 12 links: My time to read: 1 hour 15 mins Image credit: Motorcyclist… Read More »Reading 1 (June 2025)

A small plant is sprouting 4 green leaves in between a bunch of rusted rebar.

Choosing active hope

May 31, 2025June 8, 2025
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I have been reading and processing a lot of material about dying and grief, as… Read More »Choosing active hope

The entrance of a subway, underground, or metro tunnel. To the left of the shot, a wall tiled in very functional pale yellow rectangular tiles, with a fire extinguisher and signage. At the edge of the wall and above the end of the platform, a round alert sign sticks out, showing a person standing arms open inside a red circle on a yellow background. It means "no access". Behind the sign and to the right of the platform, the tunnel is nothing but darkness.

Coming out about grief

May 21, 2025June 9, 2025
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Having had a little less work this month after the end of the massive 6… Read More »Coming out about grief

A hand is resting on someone else's hand, which is resting on fabric. Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash.

How to visit a friend in hospice

July 21, 2024July 21, 2024
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Notes from an online conversation. Why am I writing this? Because I don’t offer advice… Read More »How to visit a friend in hospice